Sundays were officially my favorite day of the week. Each week without fail I would answer the door to Marissa, my angel-from-heaven-cleaner. Kitted out in my athletic-wear, after letting her in, I would grab my glass Serene water bottle (filled with energy infused crystals if your interested!) and head to the Jumeirah Islands club for a morning of Boot-camp and poolside coffee with my girlfriends. Safe in the knowledge that when I returned home for my lunch of poached eggs and avocado on Rye my house would be sparkling. I could never bear to stay in the house after she had arrived, not because I didn’t like her. I fucking loved her! She was my savior, my friend, my home-goddess. But call it what you will, middle class guilt, British awkwardness, I could never feel comfortable with staff. I am truly mortified by it, so much so I religiously rose early every Sunday morning to complete the cliched pre-cleaning-lady-clean-up!
Fast forward to the Covid-19 filled present day and I would give anything to have Marissa back. My house is a shit hole, I haven’t bothered with athletic-wear in the last month (its strictly PJ’s for me) and my version of boot-camp is joining the Zoom virtual session, pretending my screen is frozen and spending the next hour lifting my leg occasionally and my arm a lot while slurping Sauvignon……it may only be 8.30am but as the world has gone to pot who bloody cares what time I start??!!
I did try cleaning my house once and don’t mind admitting it did not go well, it was too bloody hard. I can’t even use the excuse of living in a huge beachside mansion on The Palm, mine is a modest 4 bed in Jumeirah Park. Marissa, the pocket rocket, can have my entire Villa gleaming in 4 hours. In 4 hours I had managed to strip and remake 1 bed, cleaned 1 bathroom and to add insult to injury neither looked particularly clean! I was a sweaty mess, totally despondent but quite possibly 200 calories down after fighting with a king size fitted sheet…..take that boot camp!
Thank God no one can pop around, it really is the only silver lining.
Until “normal” service resumes guests visiting my house will be greeted by a new sign:
“My house was clean yesterday, so sorry you missed it”
And will need to abide by the following caveats:
1/As well as obeying social distancing rules and wearing face masks (which not only protect against Covid-19 but will be a highly useful form of dust protection) all guests will be asked to bring dark socks and low expectations.
2/Feeding of the dust bunnies is strictly prohibited
I am off to flip the cushions on my sofa rather than vacuuming them…..take that to-do-list!
Stay Busy…but don’t clean!
Love Emms XXX